Soleminized last night when I got a quite evening at the review of my past life. I have lived fifty-nine years in the world. The review presented causes of thanksgiving and praise without number, and on the other hand, reasons for deep humiliation, better sorrow, regret, self-upbraiding.
I got a very awful view of my long life's sinfulness in the evening. I seemed to myself to be one standing amid the mercies of every kind, but specially divine grace. The Spirit has been, since my conversion forty years ago, nearly continually putting to my lips full cups of blessing, and I have done little else than just take a few drops and then set the cup by! The Bible day by day; precious sermons; great books of truth; the lives of holy and happy saints; events of providence; all, all these, and my own preaching and the ordinances in which I take part; these, these have been each a full cup of blessing put to my lips; but scarecely ever have I done more than merely take a sip. O what I have lost! O what I have lost! My heart sinks within me. I can only once again put my hand upon the head of the slain Lamb, and look up. The words of Joel 2:25 have been before now a comfort; for in some way the Lord will add that to all his other acts of grace. "I will restore to you the years that the locusts have eaten."
Andrew Banner, Diary & Life, published by Banner of Truth
I got a very awful view of my long life's sinfulness in the evening. I seemed to myself to be one standing amid the mercies of every kind, but specially divine grace. The Spirit has been, since my conversion forty years ago, nearly continually putting to my lips full cups of blessing, and I have done little else than just take a few drops and then set the cup by! The Bible day by day; precious sermons; great books of truth; the lives of holy and happy saints; events of providence; all, all these, and my own preaching and the ordinances in which I take part; these, these have been each a full cup of blessing put to my lips; but scarecely ever have I done more than merely take a sip. O what I have lost! O what I have lost! My heart sinks within me. I can only once again put my hand upon the head of the slain Lamb, and look up. The words of Joel 2:25 have been before now a comfort; for in some way the Lord will add that to all his other acts of grace. "I will restore to you the years that the locusts have eaten."
Andrew Banner, Diary & Life, published by Banner of Truth